Being Able to Say Not Me, but You

Nihan started walking toward the table where her friends were sitting. They hadn’t found time to meet and chat for a long while. She wanted to spend her lunch break with them. As she approached the table with a sweet excitement, she saw Bahar — and felt a deep disappointment. Her feet and thoughts had already begun to pull her backward.

Why didn’t I ask who would be at the table? she scolded herself. She had thought she could get some fresh air, enjoy a little change during her lunch break. Now she felt as if she had run straight into a wall.

At the office, endless me, me, me screams…

At the café, Bahar’s me, me screams…

A person was better off alone than spending time with people like that. The last time they met, all Bahar talked about was her hair color and how the hairdresser had cut her hair wrong. When Nihan managed to change the topic, Bahar took over again immediately—this time talking about the Pilates studio she went to and her instructor. According to Bahar, it was impossible to be healthy without sports and the right diet.

When Nihan shifted the topic from personal matters to social issues, she thought perhaps they could have a real conversation. But when the topic turned to genocide, what was happening in Gaza, and the deaths of children… Bahar reacted with lightning speed. These topics ruined people’s morale, she said; they made her unhappy. It was better not to bring them up at all.

Bahar didn’t want to feel sad for people she didn’t know — as if she even knew how to feel sad for people she did know. Nihan couldn’t tell whether she had eaten lunch or taken a punch to the stomach.

All of Bahar’s belongings had to be brand-name. She placed her newly purchased designer handbag on the table. Not everyone could buy the bag she bought, or the perfume she used, or her sunglasses. Everyone should talk about her; wherever she went, the spotlight had to shine on her.

Before Nihan could finish sorting out her thoughts about the past, she slowly sat down at the table. A reluctant, brief exchange of greetings passed. She wondered why a person constantly said me, me, me.

She tried to understand how the people around such a person endured it. In fact, they were the loneliest people in the world, and the people around them stayed only by gritting their teeth. The moment their own benefits ended, they would leave.

She realized that Bahar focused on momentary gains and ended up losing her long-term advantages. Yes, at first it might seem profitable to always say me. But in the long run, it made a person lose.

Even when she went home in the evening, Nihan was still searching for answers to the questions in her mind. Just then, the doorbell rang. It was Aunt Ayşe, standing there with a warm bowl of soup in her hands. Nihan’s heart felt lighter, and a smile appeared on her face. Why had she focused her mind on Bahar, when there were people who lived far from selfishness? At the end of the day, the questions in her mind were finally finding their answers.

Aunt Ayşe cared about everyone except herself. Whenever someone moved into the apartment building, she was the first to knock on their door. Before evening came, she would fill a pot with food and bring it over. She made lohusa sherbet for new mothers and kelle paça soup for those who were ill. Both her sherbet and her soup had a special taste. In truth, she herself lived very modestly on her pension. Yet she never lost the smile on her face or the gratitude on her lips. She didn’t focus on herself but on the person in front of her. She tried to meet their needs.

When Nihan realized this, a smile spread across her face. When people gave up their momentary interests and focused on the greater good… they could say not me, but you.

So, were there people in this life who could say you—or even them—while others constantly said me? Why not? she thought, as she picked up her phone and started scrolling through her contacts…

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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

The "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Seminar Programs offer the needed methods for those who want to be happy and successful in life by solving their problems and achieving their goals.

"There is only one thing in life that can never be discovered; The better one..."

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Yahya Hamurcu