TO GROW OR TO RAISE

 


TO GROW OR TO RAISE?

Zühre was so engrossed in her phone and television that she had lost the track of time. Her eyes caught the clock on the wall. "What? It's already two in the morning! I don't even understand how time has passed," she said and went to her room. Of course, it took her a long time to fall asleep. Maybe it was three in the morning when she was finally able to fall asleep.

It was morning, the sun had started to show itself in all its glory, and birds were flying from branch to branch, accompanying the sunrise with their unique melodies. Zühre's house had also been on the move. Since her father had his own business, he would open the shop early in the morning. Her mother was preparing breakfast and chatting with her husband. The sounds coming from the kitchen occasionally annoyed Zühre.

"I don't know where they find the energy to talk so much at this hour," she said, pulling the covers over her head and continuing to sleep where she had left off. It was quite late, her mother had finished the daily chores of the house, shopped for the evening, prepared the meals, and on top of that, her neighbor across the street, Şengül, had come to have coffee. Her mother went to Zühre’s room at one point and said:

“Come on, my dear, get up, look at the time! Your aunt Şengül is inside. She came to have coffee, it’s almost time for your father to come home from work. You didn’t get up and do anything the whole day. You don’t sleep at night, you don’t get up during the day. Your nights and days have been mixed up. Believe me, I’m really tired from housework, shopping, and cooking since the morning,” and went to her guest. While chatting with  Şengül about raising children and the hustle and bustle of daily life:

“Don’t ask, Şengül” Hülya began. "I didn't let her do housework so that she wouldn’t get distracted and take up her proffession until now. I didn't let her put her hands in hot or cold water. I sent her to courses. But what did she do in return? She didn't attend the course lessons with various excuses, saying the weather is cold today, she has a headache today, she has a fever today. She only attended the first part of the university exam, which was so important for her future, and she didn't take the other exam. Why? She didn't feel like studying, she said it was better to stay home and sleep, spend time with her phone and TV. Nothing would change when she studied anyway. His father wouldn't leave her without pocket money. But of course it's our fault! “Oh, she's in high school, let's buy her the latest mobile phone, let her not be embarrassed in front of her friends. Let's not take her pocket money away, she might go to the movies or eat with her friends. Let's take her dinner to her room because she's studying, let me tidy up her room, let her not cook, let her not help with the housework...” When these opportunities are taken away from her, she has no motivation for anything in life, she doesn't struggle. We have raised an individual who will turn into a fish out of water. Yet, growing a person and raising them are two very different things...”

How else could a person who has never lacked anything in life behave like anyway?

How else could a person whose food is brought to their room and who has the most luxurious things without even trying, behave like anyway? Who wouldn’t behave the same if they were in Zühre’s shoes?

So why do parents act like this when they think that they will be happier and more successful when they mobilize all their resources for their children?

However, when we look at nature, a goat does not try to give it’s baby milk as soon as it is born, it waits for it to come and find the milk, and is patient. Isn’t it the mother’s behavior towards it’s baby that makes that baby goat a fighter?

With the hope that we can raise children who do not have all the opportunities but who have that skill and struggle when they do not have the opportunities…

 


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